PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Vodka?
Forever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
