so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
