I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
