i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
