i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
