I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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