You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
