my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
