anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
