Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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