This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
