I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
