How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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