I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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