so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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