we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
