This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
