We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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