Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
