i don't like sucking hair
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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