Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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