i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will be naked everywhere
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
