ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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