i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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