Dual....:-)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
