I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
