YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
