can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
