Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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