just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
