the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
