Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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