I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
