just survived the first fart of the relationship.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
