remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
