Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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