Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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