my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
