my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
