mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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