Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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