I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
