I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
