Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
