his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
