Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
