But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
