btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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