My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
