Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
